If you've ever needed a reason to hate that huge dude you always see in the grocery store, here are nine. While you're being weak and spending more time curling in the squat rack than doing squats, this dude is out here making it happen.
You program hop and try the newest craze, this guy is consistently increasing his lifts and being "boring."
Let's check out 9 things you can look forward to once you get your butt in gear and buy a ticket on the gains train.
Level Up - Become a Strength Athlete
1.) You can actually carry all of the groceries in one trip.
Buying pounds of each type of meat can be expensive and weigh a lot. Buying 10 pounds of chicken, five pounds of fish, another five pounds of ground beef, of course three pounds of bacon, a 10lb bag of potatoes, 3 pounds of mixed veggies, butter, cottage cheese, sour cream, eggs, and milk can weigh more than most people would be comfortable pushing around in their cart.
Weaklings and those who haven't conditioned themselves to grin and bear it will take a minimum of 4 trips. You, on the other hand, wrangle up all of the bag holes, shove your hands through and cut the hell out of your wrist while walking at a brisk pace with 40 pounds of groceries and make it inside in one trip.
2.) You laugh at "Team Assistance Lift Necessary" stickers.
If you really think I'm going to go ask the 95-pound chick restocking the shelves to lift half of my deadlift warmup weight, you're out of your mind. In fact, that should be frowned upon.
Take a deep breath, turn on your PR song, get your hands tacked up and keep that core tight.
You do get bonus points for making it to the front without a cart.
3.) You won't need to call anyone to help you move.
When I moved out to Oregon, I didn't know too many people. I drove a U-Haul full of all of my stuff and when I got here, I lived on the second floor. Fortunately, underneath me were garages so I didn't have to worry about noise. I did have to worry about stairs...
Utilize your core strength and prop the couch up on your back as if you're going to be doing lunges up the stairs. Moving a mini refrigerator isn't terrible when you can grab it like an atlas stone.
4.) You're equipped to pushing your vehicle home if it breaks down.
While cardio isn't our forte, we are equipped to get some torque out of those legs.
Pull some tow straps out of your gym bag, we're about to play like we are on the World's Strongest Man Competition.
Why would you pay for a semi truck when all you do is stare in amazement watching these guys pull a semi. Surely you can pull your piece of crap a few hundred feet.
Remember, saving money on a tow truck means more chicken and supplements.
5.) You can have an amazing sex life.
Heavy deadlifts and squats mean you know how to activate your glutes and thrust your hips forward.
Turn on some PR music and act like you are locking out 500 pounds.
You do deadlift, right?
6.) No keg is safe.
You see a keg delivery truck being unattended. While they are fumbling around trying to get the dolly to work inside, you can be an alpha male and start your own party.
Chalk up and grab a keg, it's going to be a wild night. They are much lighter than the kegs full of concrete you see on TV.
7.) The smell of cat pee gives you a feeling of nostalgia.
If you've ever used Nose Tork or busted an ammonia cap before hitting an all-time PR, you know exactly what I mean.
If the smell of cat pee gives you nostalgia and a chubby, you're probably a strength athlete.
8.) You can become a landscape artist.
Being creative never was your strong point, was it? Picking stuff up and putting it down is, right?
Hear me out... What if you could get paid for picking up and putting down heavy ass boulders?
Get paid for your true talent and do landscaping.
9.) You have two built-in back scratchers.
Next time your significant other wants their back scratched, tell them you have a treat for them.
You've been picking your callouses on those meat hooks all day at work and the skin has finally dried out. Simply swipe your hand across their back and immediately relieve them of an itchy back.
A little warning; take a brillo pad to those puppies before rubbing one out... It won't be comfortable.
Wrapping it Up
If you haven't already decided to become a strength athlete, here are nine adequate reasons why you should.
Marry yourself to the iron game and take your gains to the next level.